It's Not Unusual
by lilpurplebird
Summary: A voice can be a powerful weapon... or so it's said. When Wizardmon lets curiosity get the better of him, his night is ruined for better or for worse. Crack fic.


This is crack, that's... that's all I can say. It was something that came to mind one night, and after drawing it out as a stupid comic, the thought wouldn't leave—at all. So I took it as a challenge to write it out, and... well...

Hopefully you'll enjoy. Just... roll with it.

Special thanks: Sumi-Sprite

* * *

The human world was an interesting place, if a... little crowded. The space wasn't something Myotismon was minding all too much as it meant a guaranteed meal was virtually around every corner. For the rest of the Digimon, they were basically left to fend for themselves in their search for the Eighth Child. SkullMeramon had swiped the only clothes that could fit him upon arrival and trudged around the city sightseeing inconspicuously—only to end up melting the Tokyo Tower a day later. He could've sworn he kept his body fire under control.

Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon were happily making complete asses of themselves across the city, but got away with it because they were mistaken for costumed children. Which was why Myotismon gave them a good spanking when he caught them stealing ice cream. Of course "death by spanking" was unusual and it angered a lot of people, but the evil vampire didn't care.

Gatomon stood out a little for being a little bigger than the average cat, but unless a child was screeching about wanting to pet her, she left people alone. This was rather unusual for her to do as she liked beating up henchmen back at home, yet she had the most uneasy feeling since their arrival and couldn't bring herself to do more than whip a dog with her tail. Also, it was in her nature to hate on dogs.

Wizardmon entertained children with magic tricks to the point he sometimes forgot his objective, he was finding himself enjoying it. It wasn't the most ideal of jobs he had ever done, but after living in despair for gods know how long, loosening up brought some temporary joy.

Everyone else had to deal with it (although only DemiDevimon complained about it). Besides, they were only causing trouble, and it was clear Myotismon was being pushed to his breaking point by the hour. No one was getting closer to finding the Eighth Child, not even the DigiDestined themselves which was at least a good sign, they tried to tell themselves, but the constant battles that were cropping up were quickly dwindling the army's numbers.

Gatomon, in the meantime, had gotten ruffled up even more than usual one day that it was affecting her duties. The other henchmen had noticed it, but only Wizardmon was concerned enough to try and get it out of her. Anything from "Any luck, so far?" to "Were you able to rest up?" usually ended up with a blunt:

"Piss off."

He was paraphrasing, but that's how their (wordy) conversations typically went since they had arrived in the real world. It didn't mean much, but there _was_ a difference in her attitude that he couldn't help thinking she knew something. She hadn't monologued with herself in years, after all.

It was by chance he happened to fly in the exact area where a lone Digivice was in a crow's nest, something he could've missed if he didn't have his copy of the Crest hanging off his wrist. Once he snatched it up, he hesitated to study it, finding it intriguing how a palm-sized device was causing so much trouble. Though it didn't take him long to realize it didn't mean much as the Eighth Child's identity was still unknown.

"I wonder why they'd be careless enough to lose it," Wizardmon mused to himself as he held it up to the light, not having moved from his spot in the tree. "Perhaps there's an identification number that could give us a clue."

His curiosity was getting the better of him as he made the attempt to make it work pressing the buttons in any order he could think of. Holding it up to the Crest like it could scan the symbol did nothing, either, although it made a pretty neat sound at the risk of leaving scrape marks. From his vest, he withdrew out a small screwdriver, and after not finding any signs of screws, traced it along the edges to see if he could pop it off for a look on the inside.

 _BeeEEEEeeep!_

The sudden honk of a car and screech of tires as someone shouted obscenities out the window caused him to fumble with the objects, the Digivice slipping through his fingers to the ground. "Oh, shit!" he gasped, and slipped on down to inspect it.

He failed to miss the electrical discharge when he picked it up, and he stumbled over with a yell, feeling like his data was being jumbled. Wizardmon barely managed to remain conscious to drag himself into the trees, briefly eying the device to spot a crack on the front. He let out a disgruntled sigh, and ran his hands up his face into his hair. He was _screwed_.

"I could've sworn I saw him here," he heard the grumble of DemiDevimon as he flapped on by. The bowling ball with wings cast his eyes about the area, suspicious and a little miffed. "Hey, Wizardmon! You over here or something?"

The Data didn't feel like wanting to respond, at least not until he regained his bearings. Slipping the Digivice into his vest, he used his staff to slowly pick himself up, groaning under his breath and keeping his head low. If he kept to the trees, he might be able to stay out of the bat's line-of-sight.

"There you are!"

Damn it.

Lowering down to his level, DemiDevimon scowled at the Champion. "What're you doing down there? You're not sleeping on the job, are you?"

"Maybe I'm stopping to smell the roses," he dryly quipped, fixing his hat.

"You can't fool me, I'm not seeing any—wait a minute." Wizardmon leaned back when the Rookie shoved his face close to his, eyes leery. "What'd you say to me?"

"Have you gone deaf? Then again, you don't _have_ ears."

DemiDevimon used a wing to rub the side of his head like he was cleaning one non-existent ear out. "I'm either dreaming, or you're not sounding like yourself."

Wizardmon quirked a brow. "I fell out of a tree. I'm still in some pain."

The bat then dopily grinned. "Say that again. Slower this time."

"...I fell out of a tree," he repeated as told, then noticed he _did_ sound a little more clear than usual.

The Evil Digimon squirmed in midair, his talons clasping together. "So _this_ is what red velvet sounds like."

Wizardmon was a little weirded out. "I'm sorry, is there something you want, or are you just here to waste my time?"

DemiDevimon smirked devilishly. "Actually, you just made my time a little better. I didn't know you had it in you, Wiz."

Ice slithered down his spine at the use of his nickname. "You better be drunk, DemiDevimon," he pleaded.

"Oh, I think _being_ drunk will only enhance it." He then wrapped his wings around his shoulders as he leaned against him, peering idly beneath his eyelids. "Keep talking, handsome."

"I-think-I'm-hearing-Gatomon-calling-for-me- _some-other-time!_ " Hurriedly shoving him off, Wizardmon took off, wanting to shake off the encounter as soon as possible. He pretended he wasn't hearing the bat calling back for him in the most choked-up voice he had delivered.

He stopped by a park knowing DemiDevimon wasn't going to go near it while the streetlights were still on and with people around. He was nearly careless enough to fly in sight of them, but the humans were too preoccupied with each other to have noticed. Letting out a low sigh, he fixed up his cowl and hat, and brushed himself down.

"What was his deal?" he huffed to himself. "He hates my guts, why would he get so promiscuous all of a sudden?" He shuddered again, and smacked both sides of his face. "Get a hold of yourself, Wizardmon. This will all go away in the morning if you don't find yourself at the bottom of the bay."

There was suddenly a scream, and he found himself tackled by a woman who reeked of perfume and alcohol, but mostly perfume and it was suffocating. "Oh, my _God_ , I knew my ears wouldn't deceive me even from afar!"

"Excuse me, ma'am?" he tried to ask calmly while also politely. "I'm afraid you got the wrong person, whomever you're looking for."

He only barely managed to get his sentence out when she swooned again and melted in his arms like DemiDevimon did moments before. "Pinch me, I'm _dreaming!_ " she squealed again, her foot popping so hard her high-heeled shoe went flying into a man's face when he whirled his head around. Then she sat up on her knees and developed a wild look in her eyes. "No, wait! Don't wake me! I want you to _sing_ me to sleep, Mr. Jones!"

Everyone was staring, though there was a female audience practically swarming around him. Wizardmon grew uncomfortable, his face and ears burning. "Is this a flash mob?" he inquired nervously, then mentally kicked himself for using a term that wasn't to be coined for a few years (and that he wasn't going to be credited for it).

Somehow, the definition was taken literally as all the women flipped out their phones to snap pictures complete with camera flashes, and from somewhere behind the crowd, a replica of the Flash HM item decked him upside the head. "I demand to know what in the blazes is going on!" he then yelled, shaking a fist into the air.

It only got the women more excited and the men curious. "Sing, sing, sing!" they chanted.

Wizardmon never liked being in the spotlight, at least not unintentionally. Unsure what deity he had pissed off that day to deserve such embarrassment, he pried off the woman still clinging to him, and held up his hands before him. "Hear me out, ladies, I am not, repeat, _not_ singing a song for anyone. I refused an image song because of people like you."

"HE WANTS A SONG!" came a cry in the crowd, and everyone roared in agreement and shouted out requests he had never even heard of.

"What the hell did I just say?!"

Everyone in the front row fainted as buttons on their shirts popped off.

Out of desperation, he did the first thing that came to mind: "My gods, is that a much more handsome singer that's _also_ a Mr. 'J' walking down the street?!" he exclaimed, pointing over their heads as he floated.

"No one's stupid enough to fall for that!" was a masculine shout. "Who's this 'Mr. J', anyway?"

"It's, Jackshiii—er... son!"

Everyone's heads in the vicinity then turned that instant, and Wizardmon took the opportunity to shoot up and disappear over the buildings. He flew a ways before resting cross-legged on the ball of the oddest structure in the city, staring at nothing in particular. Closing his eyes to take deep breaths, he reached inside his vest to take out the Digivice and Crest, frowning down at the crack.

"I should report this to Gatomon," he sighed, and got up just to pause in thought. "Hold up a second..." With his free hand, he touched his throat and hummed some notes to feel the vibrations. "My voice... what's going on? How did this happen?"

Randomly pressing a button on the Digivice, it only "fzzt"ed and that was it, it didn't turn on or react to anything. Even the Crest had gone back to dormancy, though what for, he wasn't sure of.

"It _couldn't_ have been..."

Wizardmon let out a yell of surprise when a crow headbutted him in the jaw, and it cawed at him, but not as angrily as the one from before was. He shoved the objects back into the vest thinking it was after it, yet it didn't seem to notice as it nuzzled up to him. His face faltered.

"Well, at least it's just a _bird_ ," he grunted.

It let out a squawk and feathers flew everywhere before stiffly falling over, apparently fainted.

He turned to no one. "That... can't be a good sign."

* * *

Gatomon hadn't moved from where she spent the evening spying into the apartment of the little brown-haired girl from that afternoon. Damn girl was the exact opposite of her, too sugary-sweet and polite, and just overall a nice, cute human. Yet for some reason, she had moved past her suspicion and was more intrigued, or perhaps obsessed, with this young child. Any other emotion she may have had was directed toward that house cat that was loving up on her.

Stupid cat.

Her ear flicked when she heard the unmistakable sound of Wizardmon's arrival, and she let out a huff. "Go away before I use you as a scratching post," she warned, refusing to look over at him. "Don't you have better things to do than come bother me?"

There was no response; she shouldn't have been so surprised, he typically kept to himself. However, her fur spiked at the back of her neck from the look she could feel him give her, something that usually didn't bother her, but since it accompanied his silence, she knew something was up.

"Wizardmon, I swear on my holy ring if you're reading my mind, your ass is grass."

Though he still didn't speak up, he did step up to her, and held out in her peripheral vision an item that caused her to gasp and face him. "Where did you find it?" she asked astonishingly, her eyes lighting up.

Wizardmon shook his head and brought the Digivice to her attention again where she scowled at the crack. "What the...? How did this happen?"

He dropped his gaze that she interpreted as "I'm sorry".

She didn't like being given the silent treatment and having to guess his every movement. "Look, I'm sorry I yelled at you all day, Wiz, but this _is_ important business," she stated impatiently. "You can unzip it and tell me everything. Just... stop _doing_ this, okay? I like you and all, but you _know_ I have to put up a front around everyone else."

Wizardmon's smile peeked out from behind the cowl, then he gestured with his head at the apartment.

Gatomon barely shot a glance toward its direction. "Yeah, she's been bothering me all day. There's something _way_ too convenient about her. I mean, her brother's one of _them_ , and yet she seems so _normal_ , and..." Her ears then flattened as she leered up at him. "Why're you changing the subject? I hate it when you do that."

He loosely folded his arms, an all-knowing look in his eyes.

She fiercely shook her head. "No. You're not doing this to me, Wizardmon. I don't want to play this bullshit game anymore. It shouldn't matter if I apologize or not, I want you to speak to me. Tell me what's on your mind, or I'm going to beat it out of you."

Wizardmon just lazily shrugged like he was mocking her.

Irises sharpening, she punched him in the gut hard enough to knock the breath out of him, and drive him to his knees. "One more time, Wizardmon," she hissed. "I don't have time for your stupid mind games. Just _say it._ "

A chuckle wheezed out of him, and when he met her gaze, a flutter came to life in her stomach. Although his eyes had teared up from the pain, they still were soft and carried the light of hope in their depths. "I knew I had nothing to be worried about around you," he then said in a quiet tone.

Gatomon's ears perked up as her knees suddenly wobbled. "Whoa... Wizardmon? What happened?"

"Eh..." He scratched the back of his head as he averted his gaze. "I _maaaay_ have undergone a _change_ when I broke the Digivice."

The sentence hardly registered as the baritone voice massaged her eardrums. She may have liked Wizardmon's wispy yet rough tone, but there was something more _magical_ about how rich and deep it sounded—and it was just a _whisper_. She started to speculate what he sounded like at normal volume, or more.

"What else, Wiz?" she urged, becoming breathless. "A-Anything else?"

"I apparently am being mistaken for a 'Mr. Jones', whoever this guy is. And prior to that, I'm pretty sure I got DemiDevimon to come out of the closet."

"It was obvious he needed the right _push_ ," Gatomon purred, feeling her lips curl to the side as she leaned in closer.

His eyes then dulled. "Oh, Gatomon, not you, _too_ ," he then groaned, and what a _lovely_ groan it was that it got her to blush for the first time in ever.

"I'm sorry, Wiz, I don't know how else I'm supposed to worship your voice—I mean, tell you I love you. I have for a while, now..."

"Join the club," he muttered, then caught her when she pounced on him. "G-Gatomon!"

"Please, Wizardmon," she sighed, rubbing her face against him. "Let's make some _sweet music_ together!"

"I already refused to sing earlier, you can't convince me to—!" Breath caught in his throat, Wizardmon held her tighter as his body became putty under her touch. " _Ooooh—what're-you-doing-to-me, pussycat?_ " he moaned out in a sing-song tone.

Gatomon trilled excitedly at her new pet name, and threw themselves down.

Miko suddenly sat up from where she was laying next to Kari, staring intently out of the window. The girl only noticed when she jumped down and ran to the glass, a quiet growl in her throat. "What's the matter, Miko?" she queried, peering through the gap in the curtains.

Tai had exited the bedroom when he turned to the cat as well, noticing her tail whipping sharply. "What's with Miko?"

"I dunno. Maybe it's a bird."

"This late?" He cracked open the sliding door for a look, then stepped to the balcony when he heard a string of yowls that was getting the cat worked up.

"What's out there, Tai?"

"Sounds like a cat fight," he told his sister. The neighbors were also poking their heads outside for a listen, though he was a little more confused than they were. "It's pretty loud, though. Must be really fierce—oh, _ohhhh_ ," he then changed his tone along with the noise. " _Wow_ , that's..."

"What, Tai?"

"Uh, I'll tell you some other time." Shooing Miko back inside, Tai shut the door as tight as he could, though he could still hear the caterwauling through the glass.

Tangled up in the cloak, Wizardmon and Gatomon stared blankly up at the sky. "Holy _shit_ ," the feline panted out. Still in a daze, she rummaged through his clothes to pull out a cigarette and a lighter, though she only had a puff before she hacked and spat over the edge of the balcony, chucking it down without snuffing it out. "Ugh, how do humans _do_ it?"

"Now that we're done proclaiming our love to the world, should we get back to work?" the mage suggested when he sat up.

Gatomon repositioned herself so she was leaning on the wall to grin seductively over at him, her tail swaying above her head when she stuck out her rump. "I love it when you give me orders, Wiz," she crooned.

"This isn't about my voice, this is about your happiness."

"I've already found it here." And she snuggled against his chest.

After managing to coax her off of him so he could put his clothes back on, he gave her the Digivice to hold, then flew themselves over to the balcony just as the lights turned out inside. "Well, that's just great," he sighed, releasing her.

Gatomon tore away from him for a second to notice another door. Licking her claw, she stabbed it in to make a circle—tried to. "So much for that," she muttered once she freed herself.

The noise got the attention of the girl who sleepily came to the door for a look. They stared at each other for a few moments before the brunette opened it. "We don't lock our balcony doors," she mumbled. "You didn't have to knock."

Wizardmon tipped his hat. "Good evening, young lady, we're sorry to disturb you."

"Oh, was that you from earlier?" Kari then innocently inquired, now more wide awake. "You have a lovely voice."

Both of the Digimon flushed until the mage lightly pushed his companion toward her. Gatomon held out the broken device, which fizzled in her hold that startled the two and caused her to drop it. The girl bent down to pick it up, her gaze sad, yet gentle.

"I knew it," she whispered, lightly tracing the crack. "I knew you would come for me." Smiling, she reached out to hug the tiny cat, the Digivice blinking to life.

Gatomon let out a gasp as her eyes widened in remembrance, flashes of memories running through her mind. "You...! You're the one I've waited for all this time?"

With a nod, Kari stroked her head. "It's okay, Gatomon. You're safe now."

She did a double-take. "How'd you know my name?"

The girl just smiled sweetly.

Tai abruptly jumped out from the shadows to point an accusatory finger at them. "I _thought_ I recognized your voices! Don't you _dare_ soil my sister's innocence further, you freaks!"

"Wait, this isn't what it looks like!" Wizardmon pleaded their case.

Immediately, Tai mischievously grinned and leaned up against the entranceway. "Whatever you say, big guy. I actually can't get mad at someone with a fine voice like that." Then he addressed Kari as Agumon shambled into the picture, "Is he your Digimon?"

"No, she is." The girl patted Gatomon on the back.

He was confused. "But he's got the Crest."

Looking down at it, the digital wizard held it up. "This is actually a copy of her Crest. The real one is on Myotismon's person." Then he flatly stared at the DigiDestined. "What happened to your pants?"

Standing in his underwear, Tai just shrugged. "I always sleep in my underwear." Kari nodded.

Once the broken Digivice was entrusted to them, Wizardmon scooped up Gatomon and jumped off the balcony. With a glance at the device, the boy noted, "I'll take it in to Izzy tomorrow. He'll know what to do with it."

Somewhere below, they could hear women screaming happily before it transitioned to that of terror complete with feline yowls, and the children went back to bed.

Ten minutes later, the duo arrived to their destination just for a Bakemon to float over. "Myotismon's on his way back, so unless you have an appointment, I wouldn't recommend going down there," he warned them. "Word is he's going to be mounting the heads of Pumpkinmon and Gotsumon on his wall, so... yeah."

Neither of the two were fazed by his words. "What a shame," Wizardmon nonchalantly said in an airy tone. "I'm going to miss the rambunctiousness of those two."

The ghost began to drool as his eyes became darker. "I'll do whatever you say if you'll say more big words to me."

"How about _no_ ," Gatomon butted in and punched his lights out.

"So much for getting him to quote everything I say," the Data lamented as they entered the underground hideout.

With the wave of the magical editing wand, they found themselves on top of Myotismon's coffin, a look of disapproval on the elven wizard's face while Gatomon cuddled against him. He knew what just happened, and while it wasn't _un_ pleasant, it wasn't something he was in the mood for a second time. Had to have been that damn echo in the chamber, he had underestimated it.

"We need to learn self-control," he huffed, which made the feline mewl as she hugged him closer.

"Wizzie, when this is all over with, I wanna go on vacation," she mumbled into his neck.

"Oh, good, we're on the same page, except I just want to _sleep_."

"And sleeping on the job— _and_ with a co-worker—is prohibited."

They heard their master's voice bounce off the walls prior to the long shadow falling over them, causing Wizardmon to hurry up and dress himself while Gatomon got into a defensive position. The lanky vampire slithered inside with a glowing, steely glare behind his cloak and mask, his pet bats fluttering around him and squeaking cacophonously.

"Shit, I screwed up," Wizardmon grumbled under his breath.

"And you're _screwed!_ " DemiDevimon cackled from behind Myotismon, flashing the screwdriver and flinging it into the brick wall.

"How perceptive of you to notice," the mage retorted back, hopping off the coffin with his companion. "Unfortunately, my penchant for wordplay has worn itself thin for now."

Suddenly Myotismon backed away like he had been exposed to sunlight (something he had been doing since Wizardmon opened his mouth). "What is this blasphemy I'm hearing spewing from your lips?!" he roared, his face paler than usual. "You _dare_ mock me with the voice of legends, Wizardmon?!"

Perplexed, Wizardmon replied, "I know not of what you mean, my Lord."

"Stop!" he crowed out, holding out a hand. "Curb your tongue, and I'll let you and your lady free without reprimand!"

Watching the Ultimate quiver before them was the most unnerving, yet satisfying moment in the Champions' lives. Only DemiDevimon seemed unfazed by it, although he was looking scorned. "You broke my withered heart, Wizardmon! This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't scrambled your voice box and not overridden my thoughts of the Master's voice with yours!"

Kicking open the coffin, the wizard snatched up the Crest from beneath Myotismon's pillow. "It sure as hell didn't make my job a little easier, that's for sure."

The vampire hissed. "You have betrayed me in more ways than one!" he bellowed in a strained tone.

He pressed Gatomon closer to his side. " _Au contraire_ , my loyalties was with Gatomon this entire time."

"Not _that_ , I already knew about that! But how did you know my weakness of baritone voices outside of sunlight and friendship?!"

"Because why else would _anyone_ keep in constant contact with Etemon? The both of you shared the same likeness for powerful vocals."

"Except Myotismon's _clearly_ better at singing," Gatomon snorted, her paw tantalizingly caressing his butt much to his embarrassment.

"Brown-nosing is only going to make this harder on yourself!" Myotismon chided, still curled up in his corner. "And what have I told you, Wizardmon?! Don't make me rip those heavenly pipes of yours out!"

Since DemiDevimon had long ago swooned to the floor and the bats were in a confused state, Wizardmon was able to make a run for it—or could have if Phantomon hadn't decided to make an early appearance. "No one drives the Master to his knees and gets away with it!" he howled in his silly ghoulish tone everyone mocked behind his back. He raised his scythe to cut them down.

"Then _clearly_ you don't know who the hell you're up against," the Champion stated, staring him down.

"Oh, sweet Boris Karloff!" the phantom hooted, dropping everything and fanning himself with his sleeve. "My ears must be deceiving me, or you're channeling the legendary Tom Jones himself!"

"Thanks, Captain Obvious," Wizardmon answered sarcastically. "Although if you ask me, I'd much rather prefer Mr. Price. His accent rolls better off the tongue that way; who knows, you and I could've gone Vaudeville."

"Whatever that means!" And Phantomon fainted, draping over the wizard's arm like cloth.

"Who'd have thought even _he_ , of all Digimon, had a thing for deep voices?" he scoffed, dropping him.

Gatomon purred. "You're making me hot again, Wiz."

"Well, I'm sorry, but unless you know how to get my voice back to normal—" He was interrupted for the third time, and he fought to get her off until he noticed a wave of women rushing over—which was oddly perfect timing as Myotismon had crawled out of the ground.

"This is _not_ the time for a 'Thriller' re-enactment," he snapped to the camera, then whipped his head behind him where a smirk spread on his lips. "Oh, I didn't know this was the dinner rush hour," he chuckled. With a spread of his cloak, he swooped upon them to strike only for a high-heeled shoe to slam into his face.

" _There he is!_ " one of the ladies shrieked happily, pointing at Wizardmon. "Quick, quick, bring him forward!"

The crowd made a pathway to allow a stylish man, clad in all white with a Jheri Curl perm hidden under a white fedora, to glide backwards before he spun rapidly on his heels to strike a pose. Everyone except the Digimon went berserk and hopped around once Wizardmon and the newcomer made eye-contact—or at least he pretended they did since he was wearing sunglasses that covered his entire upper-face.

"Where is this 'Mr. Jones'?" came the soft, mystical breath of air, his hands hovering by his pelvis.

A pissed off Myotismon stood back up, a large red mark over his eyes that had replaced his mask that had bent from the shoe. "What's the big deal here? He's _mine_ to deal with!" he snarled.

"Oh, is that you, Mr. Lugosi?" The King of Pop pushed his shades higher up his nose, sparks flaring from the lenses. "Are you here to take place in the 'Thriller' dance-off?"

"What, no! Maybe later, but first, let me punish this traitor and blasphemer for _daring_ to defile the likes of Sir Tom Jones!" And he swung his finger like a whip at Wizardmon, who was only standing there with an unamused look on his face.

"For _shame_ ," Jackson tsked, shaking his head. "Little children are innocent. Let him take his time to enjoy his youth."

" _Ugh_ , it's not _my_ fault I was programmed this way," the mage groaned, raking his fingers up into his hair.

The King of Pop then stood at attention, his head flipping back with such perfection the women still behind him became weepy. "Mr. Jones? Is that really you?" He stepped forward with a tug of his coat. "Together, you and I can put an end to this! We'll be the harbingers of world peace!"

Gatomon squealed and tightly hugged her friend around the neck. " _Wiiiiiz_ , you get to be in a duet with the King!"

"Two against one is _so_ unfair!"

Wizardmon wanted to die when he and everyone else looked up to see his nightmare hovering above them, colorful puffy clothes-and-all. Myotismon at the very least looked pleased (or perhaps even anxious, it was hard to tell with his stony expressions) to see a familiar face. "Ah, Piedmon! You're a little early to the party, but you're a sight for sore eyes! Now please, leave this world to me and go back to what you were doing."

Piedmon clicked his tongue, waggling his finger in rhythm. "I'm afraid I can't let this opportunity go to waste," he drawled. "This commotion's gone so off the deep end to the point I'm starting to get _worried_ the bodies are going to pile up."

Wizardmon kept his mouth shut as much as he wanted to express some gratitude that he wasn't alone in all of this. He didn't know how the mad clown was going to react to him. Gatomon didn't seem to know what was going on, and called up to him, "Can this wait? We're just getting to the good part!"

Producing a ball of yarn from a handkerchief, Piedmon lazily tossed it down in her direction, and she willingly jumped after it. "I like Mr. Jones' voice as much as the next 'Mon, but this isn't something to get into a fight over. It's just a _glitch_ , Myotismon. Get over it."

"Who the hell are _you_ to tell me to get over such apostasy?!" the vampire hollered. "For one thing, this is _my_ turf, and _my_ minions! Do not tell me what I should or should not do to them! Second, you're interrupting my mealtime!"

"Oh, I thought these were your adoring fans," Piedmon giggled.

With a sigh, Jackson lowered his fedora over his eyes and stuck a hand in his coat pocket. "This is tiresome. You leave me no choice."

The crowd went wild when he pulled out a coin, flicked it in the air where it formed a perfect, ringing arch and slipped directly into a boombox one of his fans happened to be carrying. "WOOO!" he then whooped out when he clutched his crotch and tripped up Myotismon, then did a twirl to kick him in the gut. The force wasn't much, but it set off a glittery ripple effect that sent him flying past Wizardmon and Gatomon until he rolled to a stop on the ground.

After picking up his jaw, Piedmon let out a tearful cackle, holding his midsection. "You let a puny human kick you around?!" he gasped out.

Myotismon coughed up a stream of glitter and glanced up at the King of Pop. "B-Bastard..."

From the speakers, the first beats of "Smooth Criminal" sounded, and spinning around on his heels, Jackson's hands and dance shoes were engulfed in silver light that left behind trails of sparkles whenever he moved. Wizardmon immediately grabbed Gatomon and backed up to give the man room to dance and groove his way across to the staggering vampire where he pointed in his face just to blow dust into his eyes, and stamped on his toes. The crowd, when they weren't already fainted or screaming, were mirroring his movements, and were the background voices to the chorus.

Piedmon was finding himself amused, but no longer laughing as he watched Myotismon get his ass handed to him from all directions, unable to keep up nor able to lay a hand on him. "I need to lay off the booze," he told himself, but then thought on it. "No, I need to lay off putting _extra ingredients_ into the booze."

As much as Gatomon was entertained by the sight, Wizardmon wasn't and was fuming. "Alright, I've had enough of this," he grunted, then reached out to grab the author by her shirt collar. "What are you doing?" he asked, voice still unchanged even though his top half was already sticking out of the laptop screen.

The author, fingers still typing away on the keyboard as she stared wide-eyed at the intruder, was trying hard to keep a straight face on as her glasses were slipping off her nose. "I have no idea what I'm doing anymore," she admitted, squirming in her seat and glancing nervously at the open doorway behind her.

"So why the hell is Mr. Jackson here? No, actually, why is _anything_ here?"

"You're not going to like it if I told you."

"Then just do something and get on with it!" Wizardmon exclaimed, releasing her. "I want to return to normal already!"

"Uh..." Eyes rolling around in thought, the author blurted out, "Okay, for one thing, if you're going to go through computers, just go to Izzy. He'll know how to fix you up."

With a sigh, he moved to return to the scene but then shot a warning glare. "You better not just be putting words into my mouth."

The author threw her hands up momentarily, but then remembered to keep writing. "No, Izzy's just _that_ good."

With a leer, he returned to the scene and turned to Gatomon. "I'll be right back," he told her, though she was barely listening. Straightening up his clothes, he concentrated and leapt up into the air to find himself rolling into Izzy's room, nearly beaming him in the head.

"Ahhhh!" the boy screamed, diving for his bed.

Tentomon thrashed around until he picked himself up. "Izzy, what's wrong?!" he cried out, then turned to Wizardmon. "I'm not dreaming, am I?"

Standing up, the mage gravely faced the DigiDestined. "I was told you could fix this," he said in a serious tone.

The Rookie Digimon suddenly became intrigued and hovered up to him. "Oooooh, snazzy!"

"Tentomon, personal space!" Izzy said, waving him down. "You were told what-now?"

"You know your computers, yes?"

Not having a clue what he was talking about, the boy just nodded. "Uh... yeah, but um... what does this have to do with you being in my room?"

He reached into his vest, but then remembered he had left the Digivice with Tai and Kari, and with an exasperated sigh, pulled out the Crest instead. "This belongs to Kari."

"Whoa, a Crest! And... Kari?" Izzy echoed in surprise. "You mean Tai's little sister?"

"Yes, her. She needs your help to fix her Digivice I wrongfully broke."

"You _broke_ a Digivice?!" he gasped, hands at his frizzy head. Even Tentomon let out a gasp of horror.

"It's because I broke it that my voice got garbled into something that resembles someone of this world."

Izzy rubbed his chin. "Now that you mention it, you _do_ sound exactly like Tom Jo—"

"And I want my _old voice_ back," he urged, gruffly. "Do you think fixing the Digivice will return me to normal?"

"He sounds really desperate, Izzy," the ladybug Digimon said. "And worn out, too. Long night, I take it?"

Wizardmon barked out a dry laugh. "You have _no_ idea. I just want this done and over with and ask for forgiveness from whomever I pissed off today."

"I'll need to see the Digivice in person to see if it's repairable," Izzy mused, getting back on his laptop. "In the meantime, I'll shoot Gennai an e-mail and see if he can send me some directions about it."

"I don't have time for this, I left Gatomon alone out there among the insanity." His brows then furrowed, unsure if that sentence even made sense.

"Gatomon? That little white cat from before? What's she have to do with th— _she's_ the eighth Digimon?!"

Tentomon gasped louder, his antennae standing up. "That explains...! Actually, I don't know what it explains."

Wizardmon sighed and slid to a sitting position by the door, nearly letting out a startled yelp when a knock sounded. "Izzy, your friends from camp are here," his mother called, concern in her voice. "They said it's an emergency."

"Uh, let them in, Mom!" Izzy allowed, shooing Tentomon under the bed and the wizard behind the door before opening it up.

Tai nearly barreled into him with Kari bowing to Mrs. Izumi as she led a disguised Agumon inside. "Izzy, thank goodness you're still awake!" he laughed, slightly out of breath.

"What're you doing here, Tai?" the boy inquired, not meaning to sound rude but his sudden attraction for visitors at this late hour was getting to him.

"Funny story, I just got a weird feeling to come over here. Oh, hey, Wizardmon." The leader did a double-take. "What did he tell you, Izzy?"

"That it's apparently been a long night for him," was his flat reply, rolling his shoulders back. "He also said you have a broken Digivice on you?"

Tai pulled it out of his pocket. "Yeah, I was going to give this to you tomorrow, but..." He didn't get to finish his sentence before it was taken for inspection.

"How'd you break this, Wizardmon?" Izzy questioned, sitting back down at his laptop.

The Data scratched at his head. "I, uh... kind of wanted to see what it was like, so I tried to take it apart, and it... dropped out of the tree."

All five pairs of eyes stared at him.

"Trust me, that's not unusual compared to what happened afterwards," he assured them.

"Oh my God, he _does_ sound like Tom Jones," Tai blurted out. "I _thought_ it was familiar."

"Can we _drop_ this 'Tom Jones', please?!" Wizardmon angrily insisted, hands flailing by his head.

A beep at the laptop caught their attention, and Izzy smiled. "Gennai's going to install a program that can allow the Digivice to be fixed."

"Like magic?" Agumon joked, smirking over at the mage's glare.

Kari then noticed the Tag and Crest in his gloved fist. "Now that I get a good look at it, it's really pretty," she pointed out, smiling at the color. "So is it for Gatomon?"

He held it up to her. "It's yours, actually," he said in a calmer voice. "This is the _real_ Crest."

She put it around her neck to admire it, umber eyes shimmering. "This makes me _really_ happy," she giggled, then gave Wizardmon a hug. "Thanks so much for this." And she kissed him on the cheek; he had to will himself to keep from pushing her away since it wasn't anything more than affectionate.

"Now all we need is Gatomon, and everything is good to go!" Inserting Kari's Digivice into the slot, Izzy waited for the program to read it. Looking over the e-mail again, the boy then frowned. "Oh... Wizardmon, I'm afraid I have some bad news."

"Of _course_ there is," he groaned, a hand to his face.

"No, your voice can be cured once you're exposed to the newly-revived Digivice."

"Then what is it, Izzy?" Tentomon wondered, looking a little jittery.

"Uh... how do I word this..." Lips pursed, he looked over his shoulder. "Myotismon's no longer a threat. Someone _else_ is."

"Damn it, Izzy, you're terrible at giving bad news!" Tai moaned, throwing his head back. "What do you mean by that?"

"Myotismon's been defeated, but now we have a Mega-level Digimon running around here."

Wizardmon stuck his head out of the laptop screen again. "Are you serious?!" he exclaimed in disbelief.

The author just shrugged. "This is what happens when you write on the fly," she calmly explained. "I introduced a new character who's _clearly_ stronger than all of you guys, so why not make him the final boss?"

"Hell to the 'no'!" he snapped, jabbing his finger between her eyes. "For the love of Gatomon, take back Piedmon and leave Myotismon!"

"Can I still leave in Michael Jack—"

"No, take him out, too!"

"Alright, fine," she sighed, though a relieved smirk was on her face. "I was tired of looking at footage of 'Moonwalker' anyway. Not even a fan _of_ the guy," she muttered to herself, but Wizardmon didn't hear when he returned to Izzy's room.

"Oh... Wizardmon, I'm afraid I have some bad news," the boy said with a frown, eyes glued on the screen.

He blinked in shock. "Wait, what?" he choked out.

"It's not about your voice, it can be cured once you're exposed to the newly-revived Digivice."

"Then what is it, Izzy?" Tentomon wondered, looking a little jittery.

"Uh... how do I word this..." Lips pursed, he looked over his shoulder. Wizardmon braced himself. "Gatomon's been captured by Myotismon."

He let out the breath he was holding. "Oh, is that all?"

Everyone stared in disbelief at him. "Wait, you're _okay_ with this?" Agumon gaped while Kari looked on in worry.

Realizing what he just said, Wizardmon slapped his forehead. "No, wait—ugh!" Deeply inhaling, he amended, "It's better for it to be Myotismon than a crazy drunk clown, just... trust me on this!"

"You're... not making much sense," Izzy slowly admitted.

"Is the Digivice repairing, or not?" he growled.

They looked over at the now-glowing device as a timer with Gennai's face on it popped on-screen. "It's working, so give it a few minutes or so."

"I can't _wait_ for this nightmare to be over with," Wizardmon nearly sobbed, then stared at his hands. "Oh shit, where's my staff?!" he gasped.

"Oops," the author mumbled.

No one who wasn't Wizardmon didn't understand why he looked miffed and was muttering to himself as he gawked at his sun staff, and they glanced at each other with furrowed brows. "I think we should keep this to ourselves," Tai whispered to them, and they all nodded in agreement.

The laptop beeped when it finished, and Izzy popped it out of the slot to hand it to Kari. "Good as new," he announced.

The screen lit up as it vibrated in her palm, and turning to Wizardmon, she held it out toward him as the light flashed and enveloped the room. Everyone shielded their eyes, and the Champion felt he was being pulled apart then put back together from head to toe. After several seconds, it calmed down and became dormant, allowing the children and Digimon to peer over at him.

"Did it work?" Izzy hesitantly asked.

Taking a breath for a few moments, Wizardmon faced them with confidence in his eyes. "Now all that's left is to rescue Gatomon."

"Is he _supposed_ to sound old?" Agumon inquired, which made Tai cover his mouth with a nervous grin.

"I'm not _old_ ," he huffed, though his face relaxed. "But it feels good to have it back."

"I think he sounds nice," Kari complimented, beaming. "Just because he sounds like a grandpa doesn't mean it's not calming."

Wizardmon just patted her on the shoulder.

"Think we should wait until the morning to rescue her?" Tai suggested, throwing his heads behind his head. "It's getting late, and we snuck out of the apartment to come here. We'll get the gang together to come up with a plan."

"You can do that, but I'm not resting until Gatomon's safe," the mage stubbornly said, walking over to the window.

"Hey, people are going to see you!" Izzy protested.

"I just want to do this the normal way," he stated, becoming a little peeved as he tapped the staff on the windowsill to force it open. "I've had enough of tonight and would like to get out of this world as soon as possible. Not that it's not a lovely place, but I can definitely tell what happened tonight wasn't 'normal'." With the tip of his hat, he jumped out and took off.

Kari tilted her head in confusion. "What wasn't normal about today?"

The boys and their Digimon just shrugged.

When Wizardmon got to the battery island, he was both relieved and worried that it looked like no one had stepped foot on it, or that there was a crazy one-sided battle going on. There was also no sign of Myotismon or Piedmon anywhere, the latter's disappearance the good thing about it. As he neared the ground, he spotted a white figure curled up and his heart leapt.

"Gatomon!" he breathed out, and landed to rush up to her, dropping his staff to cradle her in his hands. "Gatomon, can you hear me?"

She let out a small groan and weakly raised a paw for a swipe. "Go 'way, need sleep," she grumbled.

He smiled, gently scratching behind her ear. "I'm just glad you're safe," he whispered. Then he tensed up and searched the area. "Wait... was this a trick? Is there an ambush? A trap?"

"What're you mutterin' about?" Gatomon grunted, rolling over to sit up and glare at him. "What's going on, Wizardmon?"

"Gatomon, what happened here? Where's Myotismon?"

She frowned. "Huh? He's out feeding, isn't he?"

Averting his gaze, Wizardmon took out the fake Crest he still had on him and crushed it in his hand.

"What're you doing?!" she yelled, snatching him by the cowl. "Don't you know that's treachery?!"

"It's over, Gatomon," he bluntly said. "Kari is safe and sound with the DigiDestined. Now all she needs is you."

Her eyes softened as their gazes met. "Wait... I didn't dream that?"

A sly smile grew on his face. "You'll have to be a bit specific. A lot of things may have happened in your dream."

"Well..." She curled her lips to the side as she looked around. "Before Kari and I united... which you were there with us, I could've sworn your voice was different."

He nodded. "It happens."

"But weren't we just fighting Myotismon?"

"We wouldn't _be_ here if we were," he reminded her all-knowingly.

Gatomon sat back with her arms folded, brows knitting. "I just don't get it," she grouched. "I swear, Wizardmon, if you were messing with me all night, your ass is grass."

He laughed, ruffling the fur on her head.

Suddenly, the broken, headless body of Myotismon crashed into the ground before them, startling Gatomon into a yowl and reflexively clinging to Wizardmon. Staring wide-eyed at what remained of their master, they cast their eyes up to find the King of Pop himself floating above them with a silver aura around him.

"The world shall become a better place!" he proclaimed in his soft-spoken, yet magical voice, and spinning around to strike a pose with an arm above his head, a shooting star landed in his grip, and with a flash, his body became robotic. With a mechanical "WOOO!", rocket jets from the bottom of his feet and his back exploded and he shot up into the sky where he disappeared into a rift. And within moments, they heard from across time and space the screams of villains being defeated and children cheering gleefully.

For a long, quiet moment, the pair remained where they knelt, trying to take everything in.

"I think we're deserving of a nice, long rest," Gatomon then broke the silence.

"Agreed, Gatomon."

Meanwhile, Izzy stayed up all night at his computer trying to figure out why it was Gennai was going on about a "giant robot man" and the Digital World being reset, and why it was "What's New Pussycat?" was suddenly stuck in his head.


End file.
